My Russian language lesson for you

Now that I've been in Russia for about 8 months I figure it's time for me to teach you all some of the language. 

Basic:

Здравствуйте - Hello   (pronounced:  Zdras-vee-tyeh)
до свидания - Good Bye  (pronounced: Dass-vee-dahneea)
да - Yes  (Da)
нет - No (Nyet)
баклажан - eggplant (Ba-Kla-zhan)    
водка - Vodka (Vodka)
спасибо - Thank You (Spa-See-Bah)
Брюс Уиллис - Bruce Willis  (yeah, bruce freakin' willis)

 
let's practice....

     - баклажан?  
     - нет
     - водка?
     - да  
     - спасибо, Брюс Уиллис

 Intermediate:



Меня зовут Дэвид - My name is David  (Mean-ya Zo-Voot -insert Russian name-')
как вас зовут? - What is your name?  (Cock Voss Zo-Voot)
....she answers....
очень приятно - Very nice to meet you (oh-chin pre-at-nah)
я люблю вас. что ваш номер телефона? - I love you. What is your telephone number?
             (yah lew-blue Voss.  Sh-toe vash no-mair teh-leh-phone-ah?)
...she leaves....
я не понимаю - I don't understand (Yah knee Pony-my-you)

Advanced (i'll just do this phonetically, it takes too long to type in Russian)

Zdrasvite, moxnoe Indyeka, Bolshoy, Sihri c Sihrom.  Da, Da, Da.  Ovoshi...salat, pyerets, aguryets, i luk.  Da. i sauce mayonnaise. Da. Spasiba 

And that is how you order a sub from 'Aмерикан Сэндвич' (subway) with my favorite toppings.  That's all you need to know to survive. The rest comes with practice and soon you will be a professional Russian, just like this guy....


Professional Russian  (make sure to watch the entire thing