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My teacher, my therapist

As I've said before, since my Chinese lessons have revolved more about having basic conversation instead of focusing on memorizing new words from a textbook, my classes need conversation topics.

I've started to use my lessons as small therapy sessions.  It was a good chance to practice my spoken Chinese but also vent my frustrations about work, my coworkers, about Beijing, personal life, etc.   Of course these aren't serious frustrations but more like longer rants that turn into funny stories and I seem to entertain my teacher.

I'll give you an example..

Recently my parents came to China as part of a tour and stayed in Beijing to visit with me.  I had taken some days off to spend with them but did still have to work one day while they were here.  I hesitantly had to leave my parents to their own devices but they assured me they would be fine and they would mostly rest (as they had already done 2 weeks of schedule filled touring in China before arriving to Beijing).  They said they might wander out for a coffee or to the shopping mall nearby but said they wouldn't venture far.  I had shown them the coffee shop and the shopping mall, it was supposed to be impossible to get lost.

I had a Chinese lesson after returning back to work once my parents had left and my teacher, Alice, asked me, in Chinese, 'David, how was your parents' visit?'

I sat back in my chair with a big sigh, shaking my head 'Oh Alice!...you wouldn't believe...'

At this point she knows she's in for a good story so she chuckles a little bit and waits for me to continue.

I told her how on the day I had to go to work I had given clear directions to my parents on how to get to the shopping mall and I recounted how, that evening, I had found out that they had basically followed none of my directions.

Direction 1: Go out the main building entrance, turn left
Actual: Go out a completely different and hard to find entrance and walk straight.  Walk the complete opposite direction of what I said.
Commetary:  Once they realized that nothing looked familiar they turned around, thankfully

Direction 2: Walk up to the main road and turn left
Actual: Eventually, walk up to the main road and enter building, wrong building
Commentary: Why would you enter that building?  I never said to enter this building.

Direction 3: DO NOT cross the main road
Actual: Crossed the main road
Commentary: That road is busy and dangerous which is why I told you not to cross it!  What are you trying to do to me?

In the end my parents managed to go to two different shopping malls before getting to the right one. Now, had that been the plan then no problem but that was absolutely not the plan and they supported the worrying that I was doing while at work.  I was fearing the headlines back home on TV or in the Globe and Mail ...

My Chinese teacher really enjoyed my rant but she thought maybe I didn't do everything I could have to prepare them.  She asked a few questions to confirm....

- Did they know where to go?  Yes
- Did you give them clear directions? Yes
- Was it far from your place?  No
- Do you tell them to use the subway?  Hell No.
- Did you show them the building?  Yes
- Did they have a phone? Yes, but it's on airplane mode because of roaming
- Did you ask them to find wifi and send SMS when they arrived?  Yes

'So David, they should have been ok'.

'Yes Alice.  Yes they should have.'

I'm probably going to be in a bit of trouble for writing this one...I Love you Mom and Dad!

Beijing Chinese Language Meetup

The new focus of my Chinese lessons has been in conversation.  I've struggled with hearing and understanding and being able to correctly respond back with full, useful, sentences.  Its been a new challenge since my previous learning method was more memorization and regurgitation.

About a week ago my teacher told me that my understanding of Chinese is good but then said

 '你说汉语说的不太好‘  - 'Your spoken Chinese is weak'

To improve I've been finding ways to practice my listening and speaking.  I try to use my Chinese more in the office with my colleagues but it can be difficult since I am not the only foreigner in the office.  Any meetings and discussions generally need to take place in English.  

The other day, after being called out by my best friend, I tried something new.  I joined a Beijing Chinese Language Meetup.  People who join are keen to practice their Chinese, help teach Chinese or even some Chinese people who like to practice speaking English.

They meet at a quiet bar not all that far from my house so it was convenient for me to join.  

I was speaking with two Chinese girls who, during their introduction, said they wanted to improve their English.  It only took a few minutes of them watching me struggle with understanding their Chinese and stumbling through my answers to tell me,

'Dave, I thought my English was pretty bad but when I listen to your Chinese I feel much better about my English.'

How nice.  well, as if that wasn't enough of a cut down, they followed with:

'I was always very nervous to speak English but speaking with you...with YOUUUU..and your horrible Chinese, I feel sooooo much more confident to speak English.'  

Just doing my part to better the world.

I'm not saying anything of use

These two girls across from me might seem nice and proper...they have fangs.  You can see the one on the left trying hard to hold back her laughter.  

Handsome

An alarming amount of males at the office have regular habits of telling me that I'm handsome.  The females don't generally come and say this but, for some reason, the guys seem to be very comfortable with it.

This happens on any day when I dress up a bit more than usual like if I'm making a presentation.  A couple weeks ago the comment was made just because I had gotten a haircut.  One of my coworkers that I've spent time with to improve his English came to me and said he noticed I got my haircut.  I confirmed it and mentioned my hair was getting a bit long and out of control so I had to trim it.  He nodded his head and with some stuttering and stammering said 'it's good. and you are just so handsome'.  

Don't get me wrong, I will take the compliment but it's just so unusual to get this attention and back home, most guys don't really say that to each other.  I still don't know how to respond to it, usually I just laugh and probably turn a bit red in the face.  I guess I need to get used to this.    

At least it's better than last year when one male coworker said to me.. 'Dave, your voice..it's so sexual.'

Writing an essay in Chinese

I've been studying with a new Chinese teacher for the past few months.  We are working hard at improving my practical Chinese skills instead of just memorizing new words.  I've asked her to assign me homework to force me to spend considerable time on my self-study.  It's easy to procrastinate when there are no specific objectives to learning.

My most recent homework was to write an essay in Chinese to describe what I did last Sunday.  She instructed me to be sure to use some of the new grammar we had just learnt.  In the following class I handed in my homework and felt pretty good about it. I knew there would be errors of course but I thought my overall work was solid.

She brought back the corrected text to the next class.  I met her in the morning, a few hours before my class and she said..

her: 'David, 我得告诉你凶讯‘   - 'I need to give you some bad news'

 me:  'shit'

her: '你的作业需要很很多错漏'  - Your homework has many mistakes

me: 'shit'

She handed it back to me when I came to class.  We've all joked about homework that has more corrections than actual original text.  In this case, it was true.

I had originally jotted down notes in English of what I wanted to say in Chinese before translating but not only does that let you examine my boring Sunday events but also makes my text look more significant.  I removed the English parts to highlight the ratio of text to corrections.

Note: The first sentence is 100% correct (all 9 syllables of it)

In the end, she told me not to worry.  All students do this poorly on their first essay since they are thinking like an English person and trying to directly translate English sentences.  To improve, in her words, I need to start thinking like a Chinese person.

Famous Canadians in China

Upon moving to China I joked around that I could become somewhat of a well known Canadian in Beijing.  I figured I would learn Mandarin (at least partially) and impress not only the people in my office but other local Chinese, suddenly be asked to be in TV shows or movies as the stereotypical tall foreigner, etc.

It seems my plan was doomed from the beginning as there are already some Canadians who have made a fairly large impact on the local population.

I sometimes get a chance to talk with the slightly older generation in Beijing, nothing too complicated but usually they are curious to ask me where I'm from.  I say 我是加拿大人 'Wo Shi Jianadaren', which means I am Canadian.  This always follows with 你知道白求恩吗？ 'Ni Zhidao Bai Qiuen ma?'  'Do you know Bai Qiuen?'  Of course, not being too well-versed in Canadian history, I didn't know who he was.  I had to search online to find out.

Henry Norman Bethune - 白求恩- Bai Qiuen - was a doctor from Ontario that had previous international recognition but his rise to fame in China was when he served Chinese villagers and soldiers alike during the second China-Japan war.  He brought modern, western medicine to the people of China and earned the respect and admiration of Chairman Mao himself.

Mao Zedong held him in such high regard that it became mandatory for future generations of students to memorize Mao's eulogy to Bai Qiuen after he died.  It also helped that he was believed strongly in Communism which would have matched with the Chairman's beliefs.

Hard to compete with that but he is a historical figure so I still thought I could have an impact from a more current generation.  Then...

Mark Henry Rowswell - 大山 - Da Shan 'Big Mountain'- also from Ontario, is considered one of the most famous Western personalities in Chinese media.  He picked up a few words in Mandarin while working in Canada to impress/shock his Chinese customers.  His interest in China grew as he took Chinese studies in University in Canada and then received a full scholarship to study Chinese at Peking University in Beijing.  He has appeared in many local commercials and is now doing comedy tours around China.  I was warned by my aunt before I came to China that I should know this guy because the Chinese people will talk about him.

So, okay, most famous Canadian is out the window but I could definitely be the most famous person from Regina. In a city of 200k+ people few, if any, would have lived in Beijing so I liked my odds.

As an aside, Reginans are used to getting strange looks from others when telling them where they're from. Whether it's due to the fact that they've never heard of it or that it sounds like something else when you hear it the first time..you usually get a 'what did you say?' reaction.  I have mostly changed my response to 'I live in the middle of Canada...No, not Toronto. No, not Vancouver'.

Back to the main topic, sometimes people will still push to hear the actual name of your city.  I rarely expect North Americans to know of Regina but when I say it to foreigners in Beijing more often than not they say 'Oh ya, Regina, I know that place.  In Saskatchewan right?'  

This catches me off guard every time, how could this many people possibly know about Regina?  I asked them how they knew about Regina.  No, it wasn't due to the Saskatchewan Roughriders being the 2013 Grey Cup champs.

'Well, I know this guy from Regina, Mitch Moxley, do you know him?'   I didn't know him personally but have some mutual friends who told me about him.

Mitch Moxley - 米高 - Mi Gao 'Tall Rice' -    A Regina native who spent six years in Beijing, traveled around China and other places in South East Asia.  He is a well established writer and has submitted many works to major publications such as the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Globe and Mail to name a few.  He also ended up publishing a couple of books and appeared in some local TV/film productions.  He now lives/works in New York.

This is my very stiff competition and I doubt I'll climb to the ranks of these guys by either my profession or my humble blog.  Instead I have focused on taking claim to the most famous Reginan in my office...that is, until another Reginan starts working there and then I'll have to find a new niche.

Staring

For the first little while I was in China I thought I was getting stared at because I was a foreigner and particularly foreign looking.  Also, although not towering over everyone because people in northern China are taller, I was above average height.

As time went on I realized that, yes, some of the staring was due to me being different than most of the people around me but that the Chinese people would also do the same to each other.  So, as opposed to back home where staring is considered impolite..here it's not.  It really just seems that a person in China will look at something or someone for as long as they want and only look away once they've satisfied their curiosity or viewing pleasure.  This happens a lot to me on the subway to/from work.  

In North America if someone is staring at you and you want them to stop you can usually look directly back at them and either they realize you have noticed their rudeness or they become embarrassed and avert their gaze.  

I try to mostly ignore it here but some days I'm not feeling so tolerant so I'll use the same tactic as I would at home.

For example,

some guy is looking me in awe and wonder, working his eyes up and down, checking my shoes, my extremely white legs, my shirt with English writing..etc looking something like this..

or this...

 or this....

And i'm not having it so I stare right back at him...I glare at him and aggressively move my eyes up and down so that i'm doing the exact same thing as he's doing in the attempt to make a point that I want him to stop. Looking more like Clint Eastwood....

He doesn't get my point and my staring doesn't offend him so we just end up being in a situation of two guys looking each other up and down and I'm not stopping until he does first.  These tend to go on for an uncomfortably long amount of time...and then more people start to stare.  

This is how we do things in China

This is how we use the stairs (we don't)

This is how we line up for the metro at rush hour

This is how we walk

This is how we sit, text, surf, eat, wait, relax, ride the subway...etc.

This is how we cool off

The bigger the belly the better

This is how we shop at Ikea

This is what we eat

The lighter side of the news in China

I don't even need to write anything, just enjoy the article.

Great Advertisements

I like to keep my eyes open for amusing  advertisements no matter where I am.  It's hit or miss when ads are trying to be funny but when you can find the ones that are accidentally funny, those are the good ones.  

In China those end up being the ones that have mistakes in them, either typos or translation errors.  The one below was from earlier this year.  I made sure that Apple didn't work in that building, so that takes away the option of a clever play on words.  

This next one I didn't actually find but I had heard about.  A friend sent me the picture of it.  This is probably what a lot of people hate about the English language..but choosing Waist versus Waste, with the pictures involved, tells a whole different story! 

It is bathroom humour..but i still like it. 

I've been warned

My coworkers sent me this picture last week.  They followed it with a question of, 'Can you understand this?' and then a suspicious winking emoticon.

It didn't look like a funny story from the picture and I'll admit I couldn't understand the words, only a few of the characters.

I finally got one of my colleagues to explain it to me.  There are two important parts to this picture.  The sentence in light blue which is the headline of what happened and the sentence above it which is a quote coming from the man in the photo.

The Headline:  'Software Development Manager..' (which is similar enough my position) '...hit in the head by programmer...' (the people that work with me) '...with a computer monitor.'

The Quote:  'All I did was ask my programmer to change the requirement one more time'
    - I do this many times a day!!

This photo has now been passed around to all the programmers that work in my teams. Now each time I ask them to change something they nicely remind me that they each have two computer monitors at their desk. Then they laugh, and laugh, and laugh.  

Canadian Maple Syrup

There is a big difference in price between buying local food/groceries and buying the stuff that is imported here for westerners.

There are plenty of places to buy local and, at least in certain communities, also plenty of spots to buy items imported from Europe or Australia or North America.  You will find almost everything you might miss from back home.  They have the cereals, frozen goods, ice cream, chips, etc that I would see on the shelves back in Canada.  These items generally sell at a premium for two reasons.  One, they are imported from overseas and, two, because they can.  These western food filled grocery stores do very well out here despite charging 2-3 times the price you would find for those exact same goods out West.

It seems the most inflated prices, though, are associated with Canadian Maple Syrup.  Here's a few examples of what I've found.  To put things in perspective, a quick search on the Walmart site found a household brand of Maple Syrup to be about $7.50 for 375ml.

First off is Hampton House, a bargain brand.  This kind of syrup
back home that would generally be fed to the dogs. In Beijing, however, this 250ml bottle of syrup is selling for 72 Chinese Yuan.  That converts roughly to $12.50 CAD.  For my American followers it would be about the same in USD, ~ $11.50.













Next up is 'Camp' brand with the Maple Leaf seal of approval sticker on the top.  This is a mid-range Maple Syrup that we would typically bring out for guests that we put up with but don't actually like very much. It's decent for pancakes, toast, eggs, a small dollop in your morning coffee, or possibly a nice post-meal digestif.  Here it sells for a whopping 164 Yuan, $28 CAD.  











At this point you might think it's safe to assume that syrup in general is expensive here and that there's nothing special about it being Canadian Maple Syrup.  You probably think I'm biased and just playing up my patriotism. So, to be fair, here is an Australian maple syrup to compare.  It's still a bit pricey at 36 Yuan, about $6 CAD which is less than the generic syrup from Walmart.  A respectable attempt by our Aussie mates but best you just keep to your Vegemite and meat pies.










The Canadian brands are top shelf out here in China and no other country can match us, that much is clear.  Yesterday, however, while I was shopping for a few groceries I came across the Rolls Royce of Canadian Maple Syrups.  This is a syrup you give to your best friend as a wedding gift, or toast your kids on the day of their University Graduation (depending on what they took...this ain't no History or Lib Arts Syrup).

The brand is Cleary's and just one look at it can reduce a lumberjack to tears.  For a mere 332 Yuan..or $58 CAD you can take this perfectly aged Sirop d'Erable home with you.

In all seriousness though, these prices are ridiculous.  I am definitely planning on bringing multiple bottles back from Canada to China on my next trip home and become a Maple Syrup Tycoon.  

Sleep Study

I went to do a sleep study a while ago after a recommendation by my doctor.  This involved having to stay a night at the hospital so the doctor can observer your sleep.  They need to take a lot of measurements while you sleep such as your breathing, pulse, movements, brain activity, etc.

A technician took 40 minutes to get me all wired up until I looked not all that different than this. (even the nose is similar)

Right before she left the room to let me sleep she said 'oh, don't worry, these won't record your memories. Sleep well.'

Well, shit, I wasn't worried about that until you just said it.

Reading Chinese signs

Since I started learning how to read Chinese characters, albeit slowly, I try to test myself sometimes by reading signs as I walk around on on the way to/from work.  I can usually read some of the letters but it's unlikely I can read all the ones in any given sign so I end up missing out on the full meaning, but still a good challenge.

This sign was on the door of the subway and I noticed it for two reasons.  One, the girl is good looking and two, I recognized almost all the characters.  I only didn't know one but it was a critical one in understanding the meaning.  I wanted to know what she was asking me. 

I put my finger on the first character and moved down to each one as I read an interpreted it.  I'm sure the locals had a laugh watching me.  

你 - you

的 - changes 'you' to 'your'

肠 - intestines 

道 - path (but the previous combined with this one stays as intestines)  

今 - now

天 - day (turns 'now day' into 'today')

动 - move

了- article indicating past tense

没 - or not

? - question mark (indicating that she is asking a question) 

After all my excitement I found out she was asking if I'd had a bowel movement today.  That wasn't worth it.

The Great Wall

I'll take a quick break from my usual humour-based posts and write something different.  

Last year I had the chance to see a couple amazing sights.  The Great Wall of China and The Pyramids of Giza.  Only one of them is listed as one of the Wonders of the World, both are listed on the New 7 Wonders of the World (but the Pyramids are technically #8).  It doesn't take away from the fact that I have been very fortunate to see both of them not only during my lifetime but within the same year.  I'll talk about the Pyramids and my layover in Cairo in another post but this one will focus on the Great Wall as part of my time in Beijing.

I managed to make it out to the Great Wall four times last year which is a bit excessive but, as to be expected, each time a visitor comes to Beijing it's on their list of 'must-do' so I am obliged to go.  It's a hard thing to complain about though, having to see the Great Wall of China multiple times.  I even went again this year but it was a bit different than previous visits.

Some quick info....

Clearer than normal skies

The Great Wall was built over many dynasties and spans some 6000+km across northern China.  From East to West the distance is somewhere in the area of 8000km of  'wall' which follows along the historic border of China and Inner Mongolia.  The 6000km are referring to the actual constructed sections of the wall with the extra 2000kms comprised of hills/rivers/lakes and other natural barriers.  Apparently it gets much longer if you add all the branches of the wall up to about 20000km.  The wall was built to deter or protect against various attackers, such as the Mongolians. 

Although never documented or recorded, it's estimated that about 1 million people died in the construction of the various sections of the wall. 

There's always been a statement out there that the expanse of the Great Wall is so large that it can be seen from space.  This is a myth of course.  Canada's own Chris Hadfield has explained that it is too narrow and follows the natural contours and colors of the landscape.  Even from low orbit, it can't be seen with the naked eye.




Most of the Great Wall nowadays is in poor shape and has not been preserved.  At 6000km of Wall, it's no surprise as this would be a massive project without any real benefit.  In the Beijing area, there are three major sections of the wall (Badaling, Mutianyu and Simatai) which have been reconstructed or fortified so that they can be accessed by tourists.  These 'refurbishments' were done by German contractors back in the late 1980s.  My four visits last year were to Mutianyu, a popular section and only about 1.5 hour drive from Beijing.  You have to plan ahead your visit and arrange transportation so it's hard to ensure that you go on a day that has clear skies, so you can only hope the pollution level is low enough to enjoy a good view.

On the top watch tower.  The Canadian flag wasn't available...

It really is a truly amazing sight walking along the Wall and see how it rises and falls with the hills/mountains in the area.  Since it is following the hill and generally rides on the crests, there are many steps up and down and very few flat parts.  It is a quite a workout for the legs just to walk only a few kilometers on the wall.  If you choose or have to go in the summertime, with temperatures of 35-40 degrees C, it can be draining but still worth it. 
 
You can experience the Great Wall in many different ways.  You can hike up and down, you can take a gondola up/down as well and finally, for the way down, you can ride a toboggan on a metal slide (also built by the Germans).  It's a bit gimmicky but it can also be fun as long as you're stuck behind someone going uber slow.

Duly Noted

The Great Wall trip this year was to a section that is not actually open to the public and has not been restored, called Jiankou.  I was asked by some friends if I wanted to join a hike 'up to the Great Wall'.  I joined thinking we would walk the trails up to the wall, enjoy some views of this crumbling wall and eventually make our way back down.  As it turned out they meant they wanted to hike up and along the wall.  Over the flat sections the walk wasn't too bad.  A lot of trees and plants and grass has grown into the spaces along the path.  As you get to the inclines and declines you notice more of the rocks or 'bricks' have started to fall apart or completely fall down.  It does make you a bit nervous to climb them but the steps that are still in place are pretty solid.

One side of the wall had completely fallen

Growth within the Wall

'Steps'

We managed to get through some harrowing sections but there was this peak in the distance that our leader, who had done it before, said we were going to scale.  It was an intense climb but the view at the top was incredible and it felt great to do experience a section of the Great Wall that many people, whether foreign or local, had not done.  In the end we spent about 7 hours climbing and hiking this very picturesque section of the wall.  If you want to see more, and better quality, pictures you can google each of these wall sections by name. 

Yup, we went to the top of that one.  Referred to as the 'Sky Stairs'

The view down from the top

Some crazy locals scaling up/down by rope